i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
