watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
