i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
