So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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