OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Operation Purity has been aborted
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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