all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
