Non-Jews are for practice
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
