He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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