I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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