Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
