Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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