Got a toothbrush?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
