We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
