Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
