Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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