What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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