oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
