drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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