I showed him my bush... on skype.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I will pee on everything he values.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
