Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
