another moral hangover. fuck.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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