so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
