Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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