they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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