when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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