I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
