You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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