why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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