lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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