Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
