I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
