so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
