Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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