So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
