Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
