Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
