Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
