i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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