Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
