we have officially lost it.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
