We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
