i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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