she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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