she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
