There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
