her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
