people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
