i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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