How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
