Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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