life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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