8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
