Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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