Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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