he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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