new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
