Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
